


Don't cross Metal

by RoboFoxtrot



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Humor, SEAL Team (TV) Week 2021
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28926612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboFoxtrot/pseuds/RoboFoxtrot
Summary: Sonny should know better than to try and out do Metal. It'll never happen.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	Don't cross Metal

Sonny sat quietly in his chair, leaning back with a grin. He had been waiting to tell this story for years now, and the opportunity had finally arrived. The team liked to talk shit about how he couldn't be patient. Jokes on them, this baby had been in his back pocket for years. Definitely not because he forgot for a few years or anything.

This was his ace story, the one that would put any other comedic tale to shame. Sonny was practically shaking in excitement. Clay's funny stories? Nothing on his. Ray's? Child's play. Metal? Ok, Sonny would have to admit Metal had some damn good tales, but they still weren't better. 

"What are you smirking about over there?" Clay asked. Sonny looked his teammate over, contemplating for a split second if he could hustle him or not. He noticed all the beer cans laying around the team. Perfect.

"Oh, thinking about the most amazing story, a tale to end all tales," Sonny replied. His grin started to grow when he noticed that he had everyone's attention. "Unfortunately, I don't think y'all can handle it." 

The self control it took not to smile maniacally when he noticed the narrowing of his teammates eyes. Oh, yes, vengeance would be sweet. Sonny was still mad about being tricked in Europe. It was wrong to mess with a man's game day.

"Bullshit," Trent said around a sip of beer. "I've heard all your stories and none of them are that great." Dick.

"I agree, Metal tells all sorts of crazy shit. You've got nothing on him," Jason taunted. Rude.

The rest of the group started hollering jokes and taunts. Assholes, the bunch of them. Too bad for them this was exactly what Sonny wanted. He had their pockets in his sights, now he just had set the trap. 

"I don't tell y'all everything!" Sonny shouted and threw his empty beer can at Trent. "I've been saving this baby for years now and it'll put any Metal story to shame."

"You wish," Metal said. 

"How about I put my money where my mouth is, huh?" Sonny challenged. He stood and pulled a fifty dollar bill out of his pocket, slamming it down on the table. "Anyone else care to join?"

There was a loud chorus of agreement and everyone slammed fifty down in return. Except Ray, Naima had stuck her head out the kitchen window to remind him what happened the last time he lost money on a bet. The cost would most likely be to start remodeling their new kitchen at six in the morning and Ray would rather not do that. 

Damn, Sonny should have made sure they were at the bar instead of Ray's backyard. Oh, well. Ray would get his eventually. 

"Alright, prepare to hear the funniest damn story that's ever been told!" Sonny cleared his throat, preparing to deliver the best performance of his life. "It all started when I was but a wee young lad in the SEALs."

"Why are you Scottish all of a sudden?" Clay asked, laughing. 

"Shut up, brat." Taking a deep breath Sonny continued with his story. He didn't bother sparing Clay another glance, the kid never understood the art of "building the moment."

"As I was saying," Sonny started again. "When I had first joined the SEALs we had a pretty standard mission. Go in to eliminate all targets, except the guy we were sent to bring in."

"Now mind you, the guy running this area was known to have a particular problem with people who we're homosexual, this will be important later." Sonny took a sip of beer, concealing a smile when he had everyone's complete attention. 

"Anyway, we're going through the target building, right. We've cleared almost every room in the place and no one can find the man." Hands covered in sweat Sonny took a moment to wipe them off on his jeans, letting the moment of silence increase their curiosity.

"And?" Clay asked impatiently.

"And you need to learn some patience," Sonny replied, sticking his tongue out. The two started flipping each other off childishly, while the team rolled their eyes. 

"Children, please control yourselves," Ray joked. Looking to make sure Naima wasn't watching, he cracked open a new beer. 

"He keeps interrupting me!" Sonny shouted in defense.

"Talk faster then!" Clay yelled back.

"Get back to the story!" Metal finally intervened. "I need a good laugh and I have a good feeling it's going to be Sonny we're laughing at by the end of it."

"You'll be eating your own words soon and I'll be celebrating with my bounty surrounded by a bunch of beautiful ladies." It was looking to be a great night too.

"Sure you will," Metal teased.

"Anyway, as I was SAYING BEFORE!" Sonny yelled. "The entire team was looking for this dude, can't find him anywhere, and then we remember there's this communal shower area off to the side."

"So a group of us split off, and make our way over there. We hear water running and I'm up front, so I swing open the door and just freeze." Sonny couldn't help but start laughing prematurely. "Remember earlier when I said that this guy was known for hating gay people? Well that's important now."

"Was he railing some dude?" Brock asked.

Clay gasped, "Or was he being railed by some dude."

"Neither, it was better." Sonny leaned in, pausing for dramatic effect, " It took me a second to realise what I was looking at but when I figured it out I almost pissed myself. Here was this man we had been looking for, for around thirty minutes already, laying on the floor limbs splayed out with a hair brush stuck up his ass." 

"No," Trent whispered.

"Oh, yes." Sonny replied with a smirk. "We figured he must have been having a little "me time", slipped on the floor and oops," Sonny spread his hands. " Apparently hairbrush plus butt plus floor don't go well together." Everyone was quiet for a second starring with jaws wide open at Sonny.

Clay finally broke the silence with a whisper, "He died because he fell on the hairbrush that was in his ass?"

Sonny nodded with a grin, "He died because he fell on the hairbrush in his ass."

The laughter was almost instantaneous, the guys were practically falling over each other as tears streamed down their faces, all except Metal. Sonny didn't notice, he was too excited to retrieve his beautiful bounty. He had played them so hard and now it was time to reap the benefits.

Right before his hand settled down on the pile of money on the table before him, Metal quickly snatched it up. He smirked at Sonny and it was only then did Texan realise the other man hadn't so much as giggled.

"What, you don't think that's absolutely hilarious?" Sonny asked.

"Oh no, I do." Metal replied. "I was just wondering if this happened in Fallujah." Everyone quieted down, paying attention to the exchange in front of them.

"Yeah?" Sonny answered cautiously. He really didn't like where this was going.

"Cool, and was this around March?" Metal asked. His smile was getting wider and more maniacal. 

Sonny started shaking his head in disbelief, "No, this is my story! You weren't there!" 

"Please, let him have been there," Clay whispered. The entirety of Bravo was practically shaking with anticipation. God, they loved Metal sometimes.

Metal leaned in close to Sonny, "I love a good dose of karmic justice, and in my defense he was already dead when I got there."

"No!" Sonny howled, grabbing at his hair in frustration. He stood up and started pacing back and forth. 

Metal grabbed the stack of money off the table, "Oh, but yes." He counted the money calmly watching as Sonny stormed off and everyone else attempted not to pee themselves.

"You didn't actually do that did you?" Ray asked through tears.

"Of course not, I'm not that messed up." Metal passed everyone's money back to them minus ten dollars each. "I wasn't even there but I've heard the story from a friend."

"Hey, where is the rest of my money," Clay complained.

"That's the tax for me saving your money. Your welcome by the way." Metal responded. 

"Did you really have to ruin Sonny's moment like that?" Brock asked.

Metal's face turned serious, " He had to learn, you don't try and out-do me. The rest of you better remember that too." The terrifying look on his face made everyone hold their breath and nod in agreement. They only started breathing normally when Metal went back to smiling like usual.

"Remind me to never cross you," Jason said, taking a sip of beer.

"I shouldn't have to," Metal said with a predatory smile. It sent a shiver down everyone's spine, they thanked every higher power out there that Metal was their friend.


End file.
